Don't Delete This
by cjstardust
Summary: After finding out about Logan's Aspen fling, Veronica is devastated. Instead of getting drunk and leaving Veronica a sarcastic message, Logan bares his soul. Veronica doesn't delete the message. Another re-imagining of Logan and Veronica's terrible Madison-related breakup. Some OOC elements. *Mentions of past rape, but nothing graphic. Also posted on AO3


"I really love you, Veronica. Don't delete this. I don't know how to fix this, but I'll do anything I can. I love you. Call me back. Come see me. Let me meet you somewhere. Whatever you are comfortable with. I just want to see you. Talk to you. I love you. I hope you haven't deleted this."

She listened to his voice and slowly folded in on herself. She could tell he was crying, and remarkably, that hurt her even more. She didn't know that was even possible. Clutching her stomach, she doubled over in pain. She loved him. So much. Really, deeply, illogically, down to her core loved him. Why couldn't they figure this relationship thing out? She was crying, harder than she can ever remember crying. She let him closer emotionally than she'd ever let anyone else. She was entirely herself with him, giving up no aspects of her personality as she felt she had to do with everyone else.

The betrayal made her chest ache with pain. She couldn't get the image out of her head. Logan and Madison. Madison and Logan. The one person besides her dad she loved most in the world, and the one person she truly hated. He slept with Madison knowing the horrifically life-altering thing she had done. Her head and her heart were at war. She wanted to run back to him, take comfort in his arms, and breathe in that distinctly Logan scent. This was supposed to be the time they would actually work. But he was so right. Lives ruined. Bloodshed. Epic.

They were epic. And this time, it felt like it was her blood that was shed.

* * *

"Veronica!" Keith Mars exclaimed. Walking into his apartment, he assumed today would be like any other day. Logan and Veronica were back to dating and had a date tonight. She didn't know he knew, but Keith knew a lot more about what happened in Veronica's life than he'd ever let on. Finding her kneeling on the floor, holding her stomach as though she'd been stabbed, was not something he expected. He'd never heard such a heart wrenching sound before. He closed his arms around her, holding her close, whispering hopefully calming words to her.

"It's ok, Veronica. Whatever it is, it will be ok. Calm down, honey. Calm down." He could tell his words failed to register. Her sobs wracked her body, and she was violently trembling. "Calm down, Veronica and tell me what happened."

He rubbed her back and led her to the couch, they sat down and she tried to reign in her emotions. "He slept with Madison," she finally whispered.

"Logan cheated on you?" Keith was genuinely shocked. He was so surprised, he didn't even have it in him to be angry. As much as he had trouble liking Logan on a daily basis, when Veronica and Logan were together he always seemed devoted.

"No, over Christmas. They hooked up in Aspen," she hiccuped.

"I'm confused," Keith said. Wondering why a fling in Aspen had upset her so much when she and Logan weren't together at that time. "Veronica, I'm very confused," he repeated. "Why would that upset you so much when you guys weren't together then?"

"It's Madison. He knows why that would be a problem for me, and he did it anyway. He knew it would hurt me and he did it anyway. He didn't tell me about it, so Madison humiliated me with it." She cried harder.

Keith took a deep breath. He still couldn't figure out what had happened. Veronica wasn't prone to hysterical bursts, especially without reason.

"Daddy, there's something I need to tell you."

* * *

He'd left her a message, stone cold sober. Determined not the make the stupid mistakes he tends to make while under the influence of alcohol, even though he wanted to dull the pain, he knew drinking would fix nothing. Drinking was what got him in to this mess.

He didn't remember that night. He didn't remember running into Madison. He sure as hell didn't remember how they ended up in bed together. He only knew that he woke up next to her that morning, and he'd gone and puked his guts out. Not only because he was seriously hung-over, but because he knew, without a doubt, that it meant he and Veronica were over. Forever. He knew, to Veronica, it would be unforgivable. When they'd gotten back together, he hoped she would never find out.

It was a mistake to keep it a secret. He should have been upfront and honest with her, when he had the opportunity. He should have told her the full story. Yes, she still might have told him it was unforgivable. She might have left him just the same. But it was exponentially worse she found out from Madison.

He'd leave a thousand messages, if he thought it would help.

He'd be giving up drinking immediately. If she took him back, if she ever spoke to him again, she deserved to know that he was all in. Nothing would stop him from proving himself to her. He'd wait for her for years.

* * *

"I went to Shelley Pomroy's party right after Lilly was killed. I was trying to prove that their treatment of me, the stares, the rumors, didn't bother me. After everything, everyone turned their back on me."

Keith didn't like the sound of where this was going. To begin this explanation with an event from years ago, made him extremely uneasy.

"That night, some of the guys had gotten GHB from Tijuana. Dick Casablancas intended to slip some in Madison Sinclair's drink. They were dating then, and apparently, he thought it would help her loosen up. But, she saw me at the party. She's always hated me, so she spit in her drink, and passed it to me. I lost my virginity that night with no recollection of how it happened, or who it happened with."

Keith tried to remain calm. "You were raped?"

"I was. It took me over a year to find the answers as to who assaulted me, and what exactly happened. Who raped me doesn't matter. I've been coming to terms with what happened for years, and for me, it never would have happened if Madison hadn't done what she did. Had she not passed me a drink she'd spit in, I would never have been raped." The blankness in her expression worried him.

"Why have you never told me this before?"

"At first, I didn't know what you would do. I thought you might kill someone. Then, once I discovered who it was, it really didn't matter for long. Cassidy Casablancas killed himself, so there was no need for you to do it," considering Veronica was inconsolable an hour ago, her calm demeanor now was eerie.

"Madison told me, in the worst way possible, that she and Logan had been together. To find out Logan slept with her hurts, and to find out the way I did, and not from him, gutted me. I don't think my heart hurt this badly when mom left."

Keith was shocked. He'd known the pull Veronica and Logan had to each other was intense. Recently, he even assumed they would be together for the long haul.

"Who brought the GHB to the party?" Keith said, wondering why the blame for her rape didn't lie with the person who brought the drug to the party.

She looked at him, terrified, and suddenly he knew.

"It was Logan, wasn't it?"

Despite her calm demeanor during her explanation, she burst into tears.

"Not only Logan. Sean and Luke, too. But yes. Logan."

Keith struggled to reign in his anger. He knew his daughter loved Logan. And Keith knew she blamed Madison. But from his perspective, the worst thing that would have happened without the boy's contribution was a little spit.

"Veronica…"

"Dad don't say it.

"You don't want to talk about Logan's involvement," no questioning inflection in his voice.

"No."

"He was involved, Veronica. If those boys hadn't had the drug, Madison Sinclair wouldn't have had it in her drink," Keith said, slowly. Matter-of-factly.

"I know," Veronica whispered.

"And you can forgive that?"

"Logan has always been pretty up-front since he found out what happened. I believe him when he says it wasn't intended for what it was used for. He's never been involved with anything like that again."

"OK, then," Keith was attempting to see things from Veronica's point of view. "How did you find out about Madison? Logan didn't cheat on you?"

"Logan has never cheated on me. The reason this hurts so bad, is that Madison took great glee in telling me what happened. Logan didn't tell me. He's had time and opportunities to clear the air. It would have made a world of difference if he had told me. I don't like her, will honestly never like her, but to put me in a position to be humiliated by her seems unforgivable."

"Do you love him?"

"More than I ever thought I could love someone."

"Has he tried to make amends?"

"He called, left me a message." She cued up her phone.

* * *

The pounding on his door startled him. He felt sleep-deprived despite his world crumbling around him only hours ago. She had walked out of this place, out of his life, only hours ago. It felt like days. His eyes ached with exhaustion. He was jumpy, and desperately hoping he'd hear from Veronica. Still in his bathrobe, he got up, and assumed he'd be answering the door for Dick.

He swung the door open and blinked rapidly, sure the sight in front of him wasn't real.

"What's a girl have to do to be invited inside?" she asked. She smiled timidly at him, and he nearly fell to his knees.

"Veronica," he whispered.

"This is the point you're supposed to invite me in, Logan."

* * *

Her talk with her dad had cleared her mind, and honestly; it felt like the world was lifted off her shoulders by revealing the long held, closely guarded secret. The pair talked things out, looked at several different perspectives. Their conclusions were eye-opening for both.

Keith Mars officially knew that she was raped. He knew the back-story. He knew about Sean, Luke, and Logan's involvement in procuring the drug. He knew that Madison's involvement was relatively small, and possibly blown out of proportion in Veronica's mind.

He helped her come to terms with what had happened in a way she hadn't been able to do with herself. And she helped him come to terms with something he never knew he would have to deal with. His daughter was raped. The man his daughter loved had unintentionally contributed to that rape. He didn't know how he could reach a point where he could look at Logan and not want to kill him. However, through much discussion, he realized Veronica was right. The only one truly responsible had jumped off a building.

Keith tried to put himself in Logan's shoes. At the time of the party, he'd just lost his girlfriend to a horrific murder. Keith had suspected for a long time Logan had been severely abused by his dad. Keith could never prove it, though. No matter Logan's financial advantages, his life was not easy. It made sense he'd want to drown the pain. Keith could almost understand. He wanted to drown his pain right now. Knowing his daughter had been raped was killing him.

Talking it through, much more thoroughly than either were comfortable with, they had come to several conclusions.

1\. Madison couldn't be blamed for giving Veronica a drink she didn't know had GHB in it; she COULD be blamed for spitting in the drink.  
2\. Madison was an atrocious bitch, but she didn't deserve to be drugged by Dick, either.  
3\. Veronica had long ago let Logan off the hook for the part he played, but he DID play a part.  
4\. The person REALLY responsible for Veronica's rape was Cassidy Casablancas.  
5\. Logan, despite his many mistakes, really loved her.  
6\. Madison must be INCREDIBLY jealous to throw something like this in her face.  
7\. Logan has ALWAYS made self-destructive decisions while he's in pain. The GHB, Kendall, Madison.

When Keith heard the message Logan had left Veronica, he had no choice but to believe the sincerity. Logan really loved her. It gave him an immense sense of satisfaction that his daughter had found someone who loved her so much.

It was after the message, he gently reminded Veronica that is was probably pure pain that led Logan to Madison. He could understand that kind of pain, he'd felt it. Every time he knew Lianne had stepped out on him and met Jake.

But Keith and Lianne's love wasn't real. The heartbreaking love in Logan's voice on that message? Veronica sobbing her heart out curled in on herself? Those were real. Those were two people that were navigating a minefield of a relationship, and still desperate to hold onto each other.

Keith wanted Veronica to be happy. And he knew, when things with Logan were good, no one made her smile brighter.

"I think you need to talk to him. Maybe even forgive him. Us men make mistakes, frequently, I might add. I don't think it's entirely the fact that he did it, it's that Madison blindsided you with it."

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

"Based on your message, I assumed I had an open invitation," Veronica smiled.

Her expression confused Logan. The last time he'd seen her she'd told him he'd done something she could never get over. The fact that she was smiling made him simultaneously hopeful and scared.

"Of course. Come in. Can I get you anything? Beverage? Snack? My heart on a silver platter?" He felt so awkward. He didn't know if he could touch her, but desperately wanted to pull her into his arms. He wanted to pull her so close to him that neither could tell where he ended and she began. He needed her, like he'd never needed anyone.

Logan wanted to erase every bad thing that had ever happened to her, every little horrible thing he had ever done that made her the slightest bit miserable. Everything he had said that caused her one ounce of pain.

She came close to him, and he started trembling.

"I think it's going to end up being my heart I'm delivering to you," she whispered, but the words didn't register. "I need you to know something," Veronica said. Logan hoped she wasn't here to twist the knife. If she was here to break it off all over again, he wouldn't survive it. If they were truly done, he hoped she would leave him to wallow in peace. He couldn't have her here, not able to touch her, pining away for something that would never be.

He jerked when Veronica's hands came up to his neck. Her palms rested on the sides of his neck, her thumbs stroked his jaw, and her fingers grazed his hair. Logan shut his eyes, basking in a touch he was sure, just an hour ago, he'd never feel again.

"Logan, please look at me."

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and looked into hers. He didn't see hatred, or anger, or even disappointment. But he wouldn't allow himself to believe that shining expression was love.

"I forgive you, Logan. I know we were broken up, and I know that theoretically, there is nothing to forgive because you and I weren't together. We weren't together, and you were free to do whatever you wanted to."

"Veronica-" he tried to interrupt.

"Please, Logan, just let me say this," she said.

"Ok," he whispered.

"I know we were broken up and you were free to do whatever you wanted, but whether we were broken up or not, I loved you. I've loved you for longer than I've ever admitted. Kendall, Madison, it doesn't matter who you were with, it's going to hurt me. Madison hurts more than most. I was in a lingerie store when I ran into her. I wanted to surprise you for our date with some sexy lingerie, and Madison told me about what happened between you in Aspen. I hurt so much, I can't even describe it."

Logan's eyes cast downward. The shame he felt was all-consuming.

"Look at me," Veronica whispered. He did. "I felt humiliated, Logan. But I don't anymore. Do you know why? There are so many moments in our life together where we could have given up. And we have. But we always make out way back to each other."

Logan's eyes became shiny with unshed tears.

"I have forgiven you, and you have forgiven me, for things far worse than you sleeping with someone while we were broken up. You didn't cheat on me, Logan. You were in pain, and you tend to make self-destructive decisions when you're in pain," the feel of Veronica's hands on his skin were a balm on his soul.

"Logan, you're mine. You're my best friend, my lover; honestly, you're my world. Madison was so jealous, she tried to make me feel like I meant nothing to you, but I know that isn't true. I know you love me. I know you wanted to protect me. I know you didn't tell me before because you knew it would hurt me."

Logan was choked up, his eyes watery. He tried to clear his throat, but he knew she could hear the emotion lodged there.

Veronica wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her as she buried her face in Logan's neck. Cautiously, Logan wrapped his arms around her. He breathed deeply and took the scent of Veronica into his nose.

"I love you, so much, Logan. I don't say it enough, but I feel it with everything in me. Yes. It hurts you slept with Madison. But this is a once in a lifetime kind of love, Logan. Epic. Spanning years, continents,"

"Lives ruined, bloodshed," he choked out.

"That's right," she smiled, kissing his shoulder. "I think there's been enough lives ruined and bloodshed, don't you think? I love you. You look like you haven't slept in days. Let's go to bed."

Logan didn't wait for Veronica to change her mind. He swept her up in his arms and went straight for the bedroom.

* * *

Hours later, after they had reconnected in every imaginable way, Logan lay awake. Veronica was softly snoring, her head using his shoulder as a pillow.

No more drinking for him. Veronica was right. He had textbook self-destructive patterns. He owed it to himself and her, to get better. She had cooled off, forgiven the unforgivable, and come to him on her own. Maybe this time they really would work.


End file.
